To start off, I'm 20 he's 27. We've been dating for almost 2 years and have lived together for the majority of our relationship meaning that I've seen how he interacts with his pets for a while. He has a dog and a bearded dragon. He's okay with his dog. He's very loving and what not. The only problem I have with his actions towards his dog is that she's had a medical problem for 5 years that he is just took her to the vet for after almost 2 years of me asking him to. My mother even offered to pay for his dog's vet bills and he still waited months to take her.
The real issue I have is with how he treats his bearded dragon. To preface this, I'm am terrified of reptiles. I always have been and I don't know the reason why. They just terrify me and he knew this before he brought his bearded dragon to live with us. Despite this, I'm her primary care giver. I give her all of her baths, even though it takes about an hour to hype myself up enough to pick her up and put her in the sink. I'm the one who makes sure she's drinking and eating right, including making sure she is getting the right amount of veggies and proteins and researching her diet. I'm the one who cleans her cage out. I do all of this despite being terrified of her to the point where I've thrown up touching her.
He should not have her at all. I've seen people take better care of plants than he takes care of his bearded dragon. Before he lived with me, he lived with his mother and she took care of his beardie. He refused to get her new substrate, even though he hasn't changed it since he got her 7 years ago. She is still living in the cage he got her when she was a baby. I keep telling him that she is stressed out and needs a bigger cage. She 'glass surfs' constantly and claws at her cage all the time. I've shown him articles about signs of stress in beardies and he literally said "that's not real"???????????? wtf? All she has in her cage is one branch to sit on. Nothing else. I brought a hammock for her and he said it was an unnecessary purchase. I brought her a kit so we could make her some burrowing holes and caverns and he said it was a waste of money.
Recently she's been constipated very very bad. I was the one who noticed. I was the one who researched foods that would help her. I was the one who made sure she was drinking enough water to help her soften her poop. Today I noticed she was finally trying to poop, since he was home I asked him if he could pick her up and put her in the sink. I had already ran and checked the temperature of the water and made sure she had a place to sit in the sink. All he had to do was put her in the water. I was going to sit with her and watch her and do everything else. All he had to do was pick her up.
He yelled at me and said 'why can't you do it yourself'. He said my fear of her was irrational. He said she was fine even though she was breathing very very heavy and clearly needed some assistance. He said he never had any time to himself to watch TV or eat. He said he didn't want to do it because he had just gotten off a full shift and was exhausted.
It's just putting her in the water????? It was one thing that would've really helped me out. I started crying and he said it was dumb to cry. I said I was sad because she lives a bad life and is very very stressed out and he said I was being dumb. He said if I wanted her to have a bigger cage I could buy it myself, except in the past I asked to save up for one and he said no. He would rather spend his money on weed then buying his pet a better living space. Then he said he was a bad pet owner because he's depressed.
I'm just so frustrated at him. He shouldn't have gotten her in the first place and she deserves a better life. I wish I could just put an ad on Facebook or something and give her away without him getting upset
Any advice on what I can do to get over my fear of her or to help her better? I know it's dumb and she is 100% harmless. I keep hoping that he'll help me out with her, but he never does and it looks like I'm going that have to find a way to get around my fear of her or do something. I take her out other than to get a bath occasionally. But I'm not lying when I when I say I have actual panic attacks trying to get her into the bath or letting her out to roam around. I try my best but sometimes it takes me half of the day just to get ready. This sounds really really dumb I know. It's not a rational fear and I don't know why I have it. I don't even like the tiny lizards you see outside.
I'm starting to save money for a bigger enclosure, but I know the second I buy it he's going to get mad at me for making a 'dumb purchase'. Any way I can convince him to let me get her a bigger space?
tl;dr: BF is a very bad bearded dragon owner and refuses to give her away or treat her better.
[link] [comments]